It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

There are some people who always present themselves like they have it all together. You know, like those people who seem like they have some type of super power because they do everything and will still smile at the end of the day. It may be natural for you to not notice how much you are taking on or everything may feel like it is coming toward you at once. I am constantly on the go and I tend to not acknowledge my own emotional and mental health. 

I would have to admit, I am good at doing things and not taking time out for myself to ask, “How am I really doing?”. When I am asked, I don’t want others to take on my burdens so I may say, “Things are good”. When in reality, things aren’t good. At times I feel overwhelmed, anxious and alone because I’m so busy doing all the things. I don’t really get the chance to do things I enjoy with my friends. But there comes a time when it’s okay, to not be okay. It may be hard for some people to express this. It may even be hard to accept this as reality when you feel like you are the one who must always hold it together. 

Over the years, it was normal for me to have that “it is what it is” attitude when it came to feeling like I had to do things on my own. I felt that it wasn’t okay to cry or vent to others. When do you wake up and realize that while you’re busy doing for and helping others, you aren’t allowing yourself or anyone else to help you. It can be really difficult to be transparent with yourself. But you can’t let yourself get in the way of being emotionally and mentally healthy. Here are some ways I’ve learned to be more kind to myself and embrace the fact that I won’t be okay all the time, and that is okay.  

1. Accept that you can only do one thing at a time

This was a major key for me. This is also something I tell myself daily because I often get ahead of myself. Trying to do everything in a day will burn you out and make you feel hopeless. You will begin to make this a routine and believe the only way to get things done is cramming.  

2. They will survive if you say no 

Don’t make someone else’s emergency your emergency. This was the ultimate thing that drained me completely. I would always respond in a frantic way when someone would bring their issues to me. I realized when I became worried, it made the situation worse. I stopped reacting to things. When I respectfully decided it was something I wasn’t going to deal with, I felt like I had a choice and was more at ease.

3. Taking time for yourself will never be a crime

Don’t be afraid to take time away from things completely to recharge. No one operates off of energizer batteries. So you have to be mindful and know when you need time for yourself. You have to help yourself before you can help anyone else.

4. It is okay to be something besides happy

There were times when I would question if I’m able to show other emotions besides happiness. I felt like if I showed how I truly felt, people may downplay how I was feelings. Welp life isn’t always peaches and cream, and it’s okay to not be in the mood some days. You’re human. You can and will feel a little bit of everything, especially if you are sacrificing things to put in the work now. 

Just remember, it is okay to not be okay. Everyone has a limit and deserves the option to be sad, happy, excited, anxious or whatever it is you’re feeling. Acknowledge that those feelings are there and however you feel is just that. No matter “how good” someone else’s life may look, we all struggle with things. Some people are just better at hiding it.